I've had something constantly on my mind since I started reading a certain book. Now don't immediately close this window when you hear the name of the book. Give it, and me, a chance. The book is I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. I'm not finished with the book yet, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorites. But this post ultimately isn't about the book, although I do recommend it to everyone!
I'll explain briefly about the book. It is not what it sounds like. Joshua Harris isn't against guy/girl relationships, especially not marriage. But as I see it, he presents a biblical view of relationships in his book. He presents the idea of kissing the world's way of dating goodbye - an unhealthy, purely self-center string of relationships. If you want to learn more about the book I suggest you read it (duh!) and also check out this video on YouTube, which is Josh Harris talking about the book. (Please watch the whole thing! It's not too long.) Once I'm finished with the book, I'll try to remember to give my finished opinion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVJqlaNJRnw
Now...to why I wrote this post. It does have to do with something Josh Harris brought up in his book, and it has to do with the interaction between guys and girls. In our culture, society screams that we must have a boyfriend or girlfriend, we must dress to attract someone, and we must have the flirt-factor turned on max! And then we go around telling our friends how much we love them, even if we don't directly say "I love you." Even to our guy friends. That's what friendship is: LOVE!
Now I challenge you today to take responsibility of the love you show in your friendships, and as Christians to every believer.
Girls:
If you really love your brothers in Christ, you will guard their hearts. You guard their hearts by not tempting them, and as guys are often visual/physical that does mean the way you dress. If you really love your brothers in Christ you will dress modestly. (One idea I have is, if you have to ask [if it's too low or too short, etc.] you probably shouldn't wear it.) But this isn't a blurb about modesty. Also, if you love your brothers in Christ you will guard their hearts by not arousing desires you can't fulfill - that includes flirting of all kinds, even simple physical contact can be taken that way. My charge is, be careful. Show love by guarding their hearts. I know that any young man who truly desires to follow the Lord in all his ways will greatly appreciate the desire we have to guard their hearts.
Guys:
I don't know much about how you guys work, but I do know how us girls work - and apparently, it's very complicated. So please, I beg you, if you really love us as your sisters in Christ, don't toy with our emotions. Don't arouse desires in us that you have no intention of fulfilling or you just plain can't fulfill. Don't flirt. Don't lead us on. I know as a girl I would appreciate this more than you could ever know, and I'm assuming that all girls striving to live a hearty, God-centered Christian life will agree.
I know this is long, and I thank you for reading this. There's so much more I want to write (maybe later), but for now I suggest you take to heart the challenges I've presented and pick up your copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. (Soon I'll be starting more of Josh Harris' books and I'll try to give an update on them too).
For now, COMMENT! I want feedback. Do you agree? Disagree? Do you have something to add? Please!
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2 comments:
You might want to take a look at my blog which comments on the book:
I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?
www.ikdg.wordpress.com
The title of my blog says a lot on my feelings. I think the book has both wisdom and foolishness.
My biggest concern is how one sided Josh Harris was about the system he promotes. Harris shared all defects with dating but none of the defects of his system. Harris also failed to mention the problems with his approach that have happened in the church he now pastors. The book leaves one with the impression that what he promotes is appropriate and the same for all age groups which is another problem I see with the book.
Hope this helps.
Go Kari! I totally agree- there's no point in dating until you're ready for marriage. If you want to go out and have fun- go with girlfriends. I started dating when I was 13, which was rediculous and started me on the path where I didn't need to be going. I like his book. Even though I am obviously marriage age I still agree that girls and guys have a limit to how good of friends they can be. I have too be careful to not be too good of friends with guys I couldn't marry.
It's hard though- I know in high school there was big pressure to be dating and to have a boyfriend. You have to find your value in Christ- not in any guy, not in what people think- that goes for all phases of life!
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